Destiny and Choices

Through all my confusion and excitements,
I didn’t know what to ask, what to do.
The one word I uttered was “guruji”
then I choked, found no questions,
not another word.

I dwelled on and followed him,
followed him, not knowing why.
I just wanted to let go and sigh.

What else could I ask for in this moment,
but this presence and the desire
to meet him and to spend some more time.
Something kept pushing me to go on but why.
Why, I came to know after a while.

At the end of the crowd, I stood high.
I was wondering was he looking at me or the sky.
He glanced through me twice,
caught hold of me, with those fiery eyes,
and shook me from the inside.

He released a few knots and ties, in my mind
he cleared a few somethings I don’t even realise,
washed it thoroughly, emptied it
left me aghast, almost sorrowful
I wondered again, what is this, and why.

I should have been filled with light and smile
but here I am completely empty
without any thoughts that satisfy,
this is happiness and this is you.
but I couldn’t think of anything nice.

Hard to explain the mysteries of the mind
I just thought let me express and cry,
just be grateful and say good bye.
But neither tears rolled nor I smiled.

A sensation followed like that of sorrow.
Learned not judge but experience,
I did calm down and began to realise,
I felt no bodily sensations of sorrow.
Completely numb, empty and hollow was I.

I had to go, stuck to my commitment,
I had to lie. At once I found a ride.
we sat on a bike and started to fly,
but only in mind could I.
I closed my eyes and felt what was inside.
Caring a bit of the traffic but not the noises outside,
together we sang, the same song we had in mind.

I got down, destination had arrived.
Said bye to my friend
and hi to my new I.

Thoughts already popping up in my mind,
what could I have asked, what’s important
and stupid questions alike.
I shut them off and carried on
till I reached my hostel my home,
it didn’t matter anymore.

Completely blissed and blessed
a thought came to my mind.
I looked at myself in the mirror.
Finally I understood the signs.
The bliss that is I,
face to face we met
and experienced the inner smile.

High, high and high
how much can we go,
how else can we go but inside.

Delighted, surprised and wondering,
I started to write.
I began with a paragraph.
But a poet came alive.

JGD

Puneeth raj