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I thank IIT Madras and the department for of engineering design giving me an opportunity to express myself through the way of project through which I learned many lessons not only in the field of engineering but also life. I thank my guide Dr. Balakrishna C Rao for his guidance and support and trust in me. Special thanks to the head of the department Prof. N J Vasa who went out of his way again and again to help me whenever I required any help and support both academically and mentally, his trust in me was something that kept me from giving up. I thank my therapists Dr. Leela from Medall services and Supriya Padmanaban who helped me get through some of my mental blocks, giving me advices and techniques to better handle myself and made me more aware of the situations surrounding me, thanks to them I learned a lot about myself and grew as a person. I thank the YES!+ and Art Of Living family of people around me and the world and the founder and my spiritual guru H H Sri Sri Ravishankar for providing me with simple breathing techniques, knowledge and meditation thanks to which I could maintain a calm self at times when situations were adverse. Dear batch mates of  2006batch of branch of engineering design I thank you all for your presence in my life, lessons were learnt and I was inspired by you all to strive to become better and better. Thank you all my hostel mates from Tapti hostel, Jamuna Hostel and Ganga hostel of IIT Madras for your immediate help whenever I required the most. Special thanks to Amit Saxena, Raviteja, Krishna kalian, Madhumitha Kannan, Aparna Narayanan, Somanshi Tikoo, Kamalakannan, Sunny Venkat, Indraneel Shasikant, Elan Kumaran, Payal Firodiya, Siva Chaitanya and  Vamsi Mohan, they were one of the best friends I have made in my life, they have moved and inspired me in unique ways. I thank my parents and brother for their patience and support, without their help and faith in me I could not have been here; thanks for their support for they are the foundation  I stand on. Last but not the least I thank that invisible force which could be named as the universe or god that had plans for me to realize and grow in interesting and mysterious ways.

Lying down underneath the starry sky of Chennai night, reposing in the amalgam of warm temperature and wild winds crisscrossing over my body and appreciating a certain spine chilling mystery story I was reading earlier its not surprising that I might be stumble upon a an intellectual mushy mire of queerness of my own. Why is it that in this nature of great variety and astounding design there exists in solitude a creature that does queer things such as wearing a cloth, building concrete structure and things like that, have queer intelligence.

I don't wonder at thing very long, I'm impatient but It is true that answer exist before the question arises and my impatience was only in bring that answer forward.
Here is man doing everything different from nature and suppose there was an planet far away where dogs are intelligent then I thought it would very natural that the dogs on that planet would be the only species of that that kind. How well it fits into the painting of creation perfectly. But why?? Why does it feel so comfortable and strangely even, enough that there be only one of such thing.

Recently I came across a documentary which told of a certain cave, an air bubble in the earths crust to be precise which was dug into. There had been no contact of this environment with the above sunlit environment for millions of years not even rain water seeping. But the delightful part is that the scientists found thriving habitat consisting of crawling cave insects near a pool of hot spring, which were completely different from the surface counterparts. Yes there were bugs and centipedes similar in shape to the ones we have on the surface but they are completely blind and the eco system here is supported by a chemical called Hydrogen Sulphide from the hot water spring present there. They had developed without sunlight. But why didn't they find blind humans there?? Its simple there were no mammals and birds found there too the cave was too small and there weren't enough resourses for evolution of the species of greater complexity. But let’s assume they had all that then it is possible that there would have been human being, intelligent, communicating in a way not understood by us and completely blind. Of course, they wouldn't need clothes.

It became clear to me that having such queerness is also natural for the nature. But why is it so?? We, I think are a part of the nature and we possess a blueprint of the nature in our body. So if we are natural then the queer part in us would be our brain, and not the whole but the parts of it which makes us queer, so to speak. Isn't it true that this queerness has got us into trouble just like nature has got itself into trouble by our creation?? We have eaten the fruit of knowledge and greed and love have taken place in our circuits. So lets analyse ourselves to find the reason of our existence.

Mind has got us into trouble many a times hasn't it?? You fall in love, you feel jealous, you want more land, more wealth, and then comes the pride, and you wage wars for it, then develop machines to fight of the aggressors and then you become tired and with a brief stint of spirituality leave the world with some conclusion. All these are caused by our queer nature of mind, if not for it we wouldn't be queer and nature wouldn't have a queer part. So what has this mind brought us but war, sorrow and pain?? We see how perfectly nature is balanced and how orderly it is even in chaos even though the creation of it was by chance, but a chance that definitely had to occur in fact waiting to occur and does whenever there is a chance. So I guess what does when nature do at its peak of its youth, and abundance of assets how is it possible that nature can refrain creating an intelligent beings, us the humans??. Isn't it similar to how we feel when we have all the leisure, all the thoughts and ideas and wealth? In those times we create, we change everything and we keep changing. But the coin has two sides. Aren't we sometimes haunted by our mistake of our youth?? Doesn't it wear us down physically and mentally?? Is that what’s eventually going to happen to that which created us??

But aren't there people who claim to have lived fully? Claimed to have attained clarity? Claimed to have died peacefully and with a smile? Some regarded as enlightened say something queerer than anything else, that we exist to realise something. Do we really have a choice other than being destroyed by our queerness just as mind brings its own destruction? Is it really a choice that we have a happy ending not so obvious, non violent and peaceful ending?? Does it really mean anything in the end??

The Truth

Sorrow happens when the truth overwhelms the false notion.

False notion is the paint on the canvas.

Calamity is the water that washes away the paint.

Truth is the purity of the canvas.

Ignorance is believing that the paint is canvas.

Intelligence is knowing the nature of the canvas.

Skill is knowing the nature of the canvas and painting it with imagination.

Self effort is your decision, choose wisely. 

And now is Action!!!



Today could very well have been the last day of my life. It was left to destiny and i guess i was sparred. Even thought destiny spares us every moment, and very possibly at any moment, at a whim of destiny we could be dead, it seemed like destiny actually made a choice for me to live on. My life depended on whether a certain thought would come to my mind or not and as you all can see it did.

The therapeutic value of lying in open air surrounding and looking at the beautiful night sky is known by anyone who has tried it at 2 in the morning after an all nighter. And some like me would get a chance to realise how bad it could go, depending on the place you choose. In the process of throughly enjoying the moments lying down in open air and looking at the sky and thinking silly, one could as well slowly slip into a peaceful sleep, get up in the morning and say "wow!!! that was an awesome sleep", If only it were some terrace of building, where you were going to sleep. I happened to choose the thick parapet wall opposite to my room located on the first floor of my hostel, which was sufficiently safe and stable for me to lie down on as long as i was conscious. Its not like I didn't already know the dangers of just lying down or even sitting on a parapet wall of first floor but like usual i didn't give a damn about it and it was safe as long as i remained conscious which very foolishly I manage to convince myself of, and also there was a sloppy ledge for the directing rain water to flow. Of course i had no plans sleeping there and neither did i realise that i could simply slip into sleep. Initially there was a debate going on in my mind about the concern of safety and enjoying this moment. The debate went into background and I began to daydream about different stuffs, slowly slipping into sleep in the process. And then one of my friend then interrupted all these, by an untimely visit to his room which happened to be next to mine and that broke my daydream which could very well have converted into a night one:). I happened to realise how sleepy and anybody with sound mind would panic at the adversity of the situation, which i did. Further I looked down, convinced myself how dangerous it could end up, just to make sure I move my butt and get back to my room. But the inertia of sleep had already got better of my reasoning and i was willing to spend some more time, convinced myself that a bit more was OK, I'd be careful and I'd go back to room soon and sleep properly.

At this point I began to think about this very habit of procrastination, I realised how I'd even procrastinate even if meant escalating the probability of a fatal fall to a significant extent. Thanks to this thought all my sleepiness slowly started disappearing with my analysis taking over. Soon I was stable, could balance myself properly without being extra careful.

I could just have daydreamed more and slipped into deep sleep, but now the box was open, people could know the whether the cat's dead or alive. My life could very well have been like that of a cat left in a closed box with a poisonous substance, would the cat eat it and die, or remain alive no one could tell.... The closed box still thrills me though:).....

Garden of heart

We all have a garden of heart in us. They need nourishment; good soil, watering and a good up keep...There are also wild gardens which are sometimes even more beautiful than the very well kept garden. We are all the keepers of our own garden...

The thoughts are the soil on which the plants of our virtue, principles and values grow. Actions are the fragrances the garden emits and the sight of the garden is the way we carry ourselves.

Sometimes we see the garden of others and desire them. One must put a "do not touch" board to keep our gardens safe and beautiful sometimes. The garden of others is however only to be seen and admired at, garden we cultivate are for beautifying and sharing it with others. Sometime we tend to forget this and in the process of desiring someone else’s garden neglect our own unique garden. one can find a great pleasure in achieving what the neighbors garden has, but the satisfaction is best when we cultivate our own....Put our heart into it, protect it and cherish...

The right way to do...

I've always found that people who do something which I think is very tough, very noble or think anything about seem to do it thinking nothing about it....
I want to know how to attain that state when and rid myself of the judgments.

Thinking and trying to convince yourself that something needs to be done or that you have to put a lot of effort in doing it makes tougher. Doubts,fear, random emotions related to it makes it tougher, makes me think its either too tough or too easy. The things I do without any judgments are very easy to do and they often the things others think you are so good, but on the other hand you somehow find it obvious...

Embrace your current feelings but know that its completely due to your impressions and memory not intuition... intuition strikes in non judgmental state of mind.

For example while writing this post a lot of things went around my mind. My mind was trying to convince me that the this activity is more worthy than any other work I would've done instead. There were many decisions I had to take regarding the choice of words and the flow, a lot of distractions too. I kept getting stuck at the decisions I had to make. I wasn't writing it according to the flow of my heart, it was according to the flow of my desires rather. I wanted this post to go in a certain way. The intelligent way would be accept that my first draft may not be the best, not to get stuck at decisions, do it in minimum time as possible, later when your mind is not clogged re-read and make corrections. You give different time to the flow and corrections, you don't get stuck in doing them at the same time and Writing then became easy..When I began writing blog my posts were long and cluttered, I used to get fed up by the time I finished writing... Hope I can apply it to other activities too especially studying...

There must be a reason why I keep hearing things like, do not procrastinate, be disciplined , Be proactive and its ok, let go. People feel free, calm and productive if they let go some things, when they have done what they were supposed to do in time, when their mind is not preoccupied with stale thoughts.

Stale thoughts are rotten, they are the thoughts about the things you've been thinking about for quite sometime. I generally prefer to finish of the something I don't like to eat immediately somehow gulping of entire thing rather than letting it become old and mushy, squishy and non crispy state or whatever. Same things apply to thoughts, especially the ones with a deadline like assignment; they seem to develop more side effects as the expiry date gets closer and absolutely of no use or little use after expiry. Leaving things incomplete and unfinished leaves more of staleness within you. After a certain point you become sick you start stinking, a thick atmosphere develops around you which people tend to avoid.

Become aware of that staleness, just let go, meditate and be purified. You don't like staleness do you? Think fresh think rich, the quality of thoughts you float around with, become aware of it.....Freshen up Take a breath and start playing and loving again......

But to make a wine the grapes need to ferment right? Yeah sure, but you don't want to make a wine out or own mind do you?

So think fresh, eat fresh, please don't eat non-veg and keep dancing in the rain.....


Silent treatment

I think everyone one of us have had this experience with someone or the other. Its a basic technique used generally by moms, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc. to punish you or to make you do something and many other such silly stuff which can be bought by silence. It is interesting however to wonder about the power silence has which sometimes threatening (words) or action wont have. Guruji is going to be in silence for navratri. His silence is going to convey something special to you. This navratri check on the positives that are created in you and do post it in the comments.........
For interest of general people let me make a few things clear. Guruji refers to H H Sri Sri Ravishankar. For every navratri people from all over the world visit our ashram(Art of living) in Bangalore to experience a phenomenal fest. Yagyas are performed in these 9 days of navratri for the benefit of the entire world. Sitting in one of these with thousands of people is an awesome out of the world experience......

Julie and Julia

An ordinary house wife becomes a sensation and a modern ambitious girl gets her inspiration, this story is about two of these ladies. It totally brings out the fact that no human is ordinary. I totally loved the character of Julia Child, every now and then I meet people like Julia in my life and I envy and wonder at the confidence they show and which makes them happy in whatever situations they are and sometimes get them to heights where very few hardworkers or even a smart worker are able to make it. The only part Julia was genius at was being innocent and loving. She loved whatever she did and did whatever she loved, carefree of the competition, stress, social obligations, never greedy and absolutely innocent the way she was, which I believe is the most efficient way to live a life.

Story: 6/10. Its biographical story. The low ranking is not to discourage anyone, but just to emphasise that its not so fairy tailish type of stories. Though the story is not what will make you enjoy the story, its the narration and acting and the characters that stand out.

Genre: Drama, Biographical, Slice of life

Acting: 10/10. Every actor is well placed and does the job very well, of course the character of Julia child stands out more than anyone and Meryl Streep has done a phenomenal job portraying Julia. I liked her acting even in Mamma Mia. it just shows that experience can’t get any better.

Direction: 9/10. One of the best biographical movies I’ve ever seen and the all credit go to the direction and the narration. The flow of events the, the editing are all awesome and just stick together too well though not logically.

Mood:”Slice of life”,”happy”

Character: 10/10. The fact that these were all real life characters just makes me want to give a higher ranking though I have to admit that mostly its due to the influence of the character of Julia Child.

Entertainment value: 8/10

Overall: 9/10

Nickel the Bear

Roaming around the forest was the only pass time for Nickel who was a large black bear at the peak of its youth. He used to roam around the forest to find something interesting, though he never knew what he was searching for he kept on wandering through the forest. He ate when he was hungry, scratched the trees around when he wanted to stretch and slept under his favourite tree when he had done all the wandering he wanted to do.

One day while he was having a nice afternoon nap he sensed a strange odour in the air and heard sounds of someone approaching. The odour was very distinct but he knew it was coming from an animal the sounds of rubbing against bushes were unlike that of any other animals he knew in the wild would make. The sounds had a weird pattern and it seemed like the animal was lost since they were short bursts of sound. There wasn’t much sound at every possible foot the animal took which suggested that the animal was small but the sounds also came from branches of higher altitude suggesting that it was tall, naturally he took a cautious stance waiting for the confrontation with this strange animal which he had never heard or seen in his life. Slowly a figure in brown started to appear from the bushes and Nickel held its breath. The strange animal was looking behind, it hadn’t noticed Nickel and was looking everywhere and seemed to be lost. It was a very strange looking animal, it was tall and was using only two limbs to walk, its fur was very smooth as though some dry leaf like material sticking on its skin and then half of its limbs had very little black shinny hair, it seemed like it was suffering from some disease, It had long fingers like the monkeys and on one hand it was holding a stick. The animal didn’t look ferocious so Nickel relaxed a bit and started approaching it with curiosity. The animal slowly turned around and their eyes met. The animal immediately took a defensive stance pointing the tip of the stick him lowering its body a bit. Nickel was taken aback but he could clearly see that the animal was frozen with fear. He then carelessly walked towards his right to have a good view of the animal. But the animal was still trembling and kept pointing the stick at him. He was surprised that the animal didn’t run and for a long time didn’t make any conversation.

He was annoyed, not able to make out anything out of this encounter and was no more interested in this animal and decided to chase the animal away. In situations like these Nickel would usually charge towards any animal for a short distance to scare it away. So he made a half hearted effort to chase the animal away by performing a slow lazy dash, He thought that it would run away but then it started trembling in fear and did something that scared and startled him like hell. The animal made a very sharp and loud sound loud as thunder, it was the first time he had heard such a noise. He noticed that the animal also jerked very sharply and it seemed like the stick was making the noise. Scared out of its wits for a while now Nickel took threatening stance, his head lowered, rear legs ready to spring he began roaring to tell the animal that it was serious now. It didn’t have any effect on the animal which was still frozen and trembling with fear and was now making noises like a baby animal which is cornered and out of breath. It wasn’t threatening like an adult would even in this stage and its trembling grew more with every roar. Now Nickel had lost it and began to charge for real, his heartbeat was increasing rapidly and half way through he was again met with the annoying sharp and loud as hell noise which made him very confused and scared. He paused for a fraction of a second, made up his mind, and then he dashed with all his energy like his life was on the line.

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